Happy birthday, Andres Bonifacio!

But no, this is not about Andres Bonifacio. This is about the day, ze wonderful day, that I had.:)

I just got back from LB today and went straight to school. Mejo haggard, yes, but I was pretty excited. I don't know why I was excited to go back. Haha. Siguro dahil mejo maaga akong umuwi ng LB. Nakakamiss din in a way, lalo na yung mga people.

Muntikan na ako maging super late, ang bagal pa nung cab na nasakyan ko. MRT was super puno as usual. I had to wait for the second train! Di ko gets bakit tulakan ng tulakan ang mga tao. Wala naman silang mapapala kung di na talaga kasya sa loob ng train. Nagkakasamaan lang sila ng mga loob. Haha. Baggage with a stranger. WHUT.

Class was mejo boring, pero laughtrip pa din. Sir Nilo Ocampo is just the best! Buti na lang nakausap ko si Kem before the CRS batch run, kundi, I ended up with another Naval experience siguro. HAHA. I don't know if I've learned anything already, but I really want to learn. Nakakainspire mag-aral 'pag ganun ang prof. Hehe.

Mejo bugbog ako sa RC duties ngayon, not because I have to do many things, but because I'm supervising many things. Recruitment period kasi ulit, so mejo bida-bida na naman ang memcomm. I have friends who are joining RC kaya ang saya ko! Excited to work and bond and get to know them better! I'm inspired to work for RC especially with the feedback I have been getting from other mems re me being the memcomm head. Masarap mag-work pag alam mong naaappreciate ng iba yung mga ginagawa mo.:) I think I handle internal issues pretty well, pero weakness ko naman ang pag-handle sa app process. Di ko alam kung bakit. Haha. Buti na lang, sobrang maaasahan yung mga members ng RC. What would I do without them? (DUH. Without them, RC would be non-existent!)

Nagbond kami ni Ola over sisig kanina. Heart-to-heart chikahan again. I like how I am friends with so many people right now, and not just friends, but becoming super friends with them! Wish ko naman talaga yun eh, to expand my social circles.:)) I'm still in the unlearning/learning process with a certain close friend but things have been supah fine lately. Sana magcontinue lang ang progress!

I'm feeling a bit sick right now. Maybe it's because of the rain. Or Cloud9. Basta, I feel like I'll be having colds. I better sleep this off before it becomes worse.:)

BTW! I have gold hair according to Gen.:)) The new hair color needs some getting used to, but I love it! So the "getting used to" part doesn't matter anymore! Hehe.

Good night and sweet dreams :*

Kape PURO!

I'm still awake because I drank two cups of strong Vietnamese coffee. MAN. Mama was right. Haha.

And I'm planning to have my hair colored tomorrow :)

Nakakatawa si Sharon Cuneta, may friend issues with Aga Muhlach. Her dilemma sounds very familiar. HAHAHAHA. Anobonomonyon.

I don't know. I'm having all these thoughts in my head again, but they'll just pass as usual. Alam mo yung feeling ng naooverwhelm, ganun yung nafifeel ko ngayon. Kaso I don't know if it's a good thing kasi parang naiiyak ako na kinikilig na ewan. Kinikilig siguro ako sa lamig. Sobrang lamig kasi eh.

Andaming nakaline-up for this week, and andami ko ring gusto maaccomplish. God, help me. Naooverwhelm ako sa dami ng dapat gawin. INHALE. EXHALE.

Ang hirap pala sundin ng mga binibigay kong advice? HAHA. At sobrang walang main idea 'tong blogpost na 'to.

BYE!

P.S.

I'm determined to change the course of this Hello/Bye kind of friendship we're experiencing now.

Not again??

hjgkjhlkjhlkjherlkwjherbvkwqgerewulkrhjlkjrh

qlwjehlqjwkbeqweqwilehqjkwhebqne,mqhruqhylkjbe,mnh;ihcbanebfglkehbd,amnfh;dahfsjdfmsndbflkjshdld

adjsfhlsdjfbsndfblksjhdflakjshflkjhdsaflnsadb,fmjvjhakjshdfdfb,jva;hekjbf!!!

(Because I won't let myself sulk anymore! This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass.. This will pass..)..

The 5 Pillars of Manhood by Jaeson Ma

This was shared to me by one of my best girl friends. It's nice to be reminded from time to time that we are valuable human beings, with fragile hearts strengthened by faith and confidence to a supreme and all-knowing God.

They seem like such high standards, but they are achievable standards. Hindi naman kasi perfection ang description eh. Tamang respeto at love lang. Enough love to show the other person's worth. Haha

I don't know what Your plan for me is regarding this matter; it is yet to be revealed. Ewan ko ba kung part ng plano Mo na matugpuan ko siya or hindi. Basta, alam Mo naman ang desire ko diba? Haha. I know naman na I can sleep peacefully knowing na hindi mo ako pababayaan. Pero Lord, hindi ba talaga kayang pabilisin ang searching and waiting process? HAHAHAHA. Kulet.

Well, here's the link to the article:

http://jaesonma.com/365-days-of-love-day-284-the-5-pillars-of-manhood-how-men-should-love-respect-women/

And here are some things that really struck me:

"This is for the Christian guys out there, don’t emotionally rape a sister, play with her heart and tell her you are just her brother or friend. That is BS. Man up. You either pursue a woman of God because she is God’s precious creation, or you don’t try touching it at all, or play with their hearts emotionally, unless you are willing to be up front and clear with your intentions and the direction of the relationship from the start. Emotional rape is as painful to a woman as physical rape. Women are emotional beings and their hearts are not to be played with."

"When a women asks you, “How are you doing?” She is really asking, “How are you being?” Meaning, what are you feeling, thinking, seeing, being about at the moment. To love a women we must provide at every level – basic needs all the way to providing for them mentally, emotionally and spiritually, if not their hearts will die."

"What a woman wants is a man of integrity. Someone who says what he does and does what he says. Someone they can trust at their word. So as a man you must come through. Words means nothing if they are not backed up with action. Don’t say sorry unless you mean it. Don’t say sorry unless you are able to back up your apologies with doing the right thing. Integrity is doing what is right, whether people are watching or not. Integrity is what you do when no one is looking. Does your woman trust you completely? If not, it is a question of integrity. Don’t tell a women you love her unless your love shows, words carry weight. They either carry false weight or real weight, a woman knows when a man means what he says."

Well, I'm SUPER biased. Sorry! HAHAHA :*

Day 6: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

1. Kriezl. Highschool bestfriend. Opposite sa ugali, pero swak na swak sa kulitan. Proved to me that distance is not a factor and that people can still remain close despite not being able to spend time with each other regularly. Mukhang mataray, pero she's really one of the most malambing people that I know and that's one of the biggest reasons why I keep her close to my heart.:)

2. Kem. Ultimate college buddy, and by ultimate I mean, ULTIMATE TALAGA. We've been friends since day 1 of college and marami na rin kaming napagdaanan. Sometimes I feel that I really know him, but there are also times when I feel na there's still a lot to discover about him. well, that's Kem for you--maraming layers. Haha. He's quiet and quite emotional, but he could also be manhid like a rock. But still, I feel fulfilled as his friend. Oh well, I guess those little things are the reasons why he's oh-so-dear to me.

3. Gen. She's an anyway friend and a soul sister all rolled into one. I guess she's going to be my maid of honor if ever I'll get married some day.:) She's insane, but the funny thing is she helps keep me sane. Haha. I guess I admire her because she is able to express herself no matter the situation. She's very passionate and very clingy. She's like a reel that pulls me in despite my tendencies to become distant. Say, she's God-sent? Eww. Cheesy.:))

4. Reg. TBFF since.. forever? Haha. She's the basis, the point of comparison (even if I'm not allowed to compare) of all the friendships I've ever had. Our friendship has surpassed all sorts of situations but still we're here, still awesome pals. I know she has other bestfriends, I too have other bestfriends, but at the back of my head, I know that there's this person who'll just be there. Maybe one of these days, I might just call her up, have pizza, talk 'til dawn.. who knows?

5. Family (Wala si Ea sa picture. Hahaha.). I think I have been given one of the best families in the world. Ideal support system, kasama sa gimik, taga-comfort, name it. It's actually the same reason why I feel unstable whenever I feel that I'm not accepted, because in my family environment, I am very much loved. And because of this, I'll always be grateful. Wouldn't trade them for anything.

So what's the point of all of this... (WHAAT)

I am amazed on how emotional I can get on such random timing.

BELIEVE ME. I'm laughing at myself right now. Last night's post is really really funny. Lagyan mo na lang ng angst at unti pang self-pitying, pwede nang suicidal note. Hahahaha. Hello hormones!:) Anong ginagawa niyo sa akin? Hahahaha.

Awesome family time today!:) We went shopping--sort-of, for papa's supplies since he's leaving next week. Tinatry ko pa rin magparinig tungkol sa laptop na pinapabili ko, but I don't know if it's working. :(

Note to self: I really need to spend more time with Him. Nakakaguilty na ang grace na binibigay niya. Overwhelming talaga.

Last night's post was a lie. It's an attention-seeking note. An attempt of some KSP girl. Haha. It is true that some parts of me are messy, but I do believe I am valuable to some people other than my parents. I am confident in my faith and I am confident in Him. He makes all things beautiful in His time diba?:) Regarding my heart department matters, it is not true that it's still messy. Actually, things are getting better and my heart is in a waaaaay better state right now a.k.a. hindi na siya confused.:)) My thesis is not an entire mess. Much work has to be done, but with His guidance, everything will be alright.

This is me telling the truth hahahaha. Ang funny. Why don't I just delete my previous note diba? Haha.

My oh my Bianca. I know you're smart, but you can get pretty stupid and narrowheaded at times. Haha. What to do, what to do..

:))

Just for tonight.

DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING WRITTEN IN THIS POST ARE HALFTRUTHS, WRITTEN OUT OF FRUSTRATION AND EXHAUSTION, THEREFORE, BIASED. IT IS HIGHLY POSSIBLE THAT THE THINGS WRITTEN MAY NOT BE APPLICABLE IN THE COMING DAYS/WEEKS/MONTHS/YEARS. IN FACT, IT IS A HUGE POSSIBILITY THAT I WILL BE CHANGING MY MIND AND/OR MOOD IN THE NEXT 30 MINUTES.

***

I don't feel okay right now. Mixed emotions: I feel left behind, I'm feeling competitive over something useless, I feel irrelevant, I feel ugly, I feel unliked, I feel guilty..

I could go on and on right? But I won't because it's useless anyway.

I just got home tonight. Sobrang tagal nung biyahe kasi super traffic sa may skyway. Sabi nila it's because of the buses. I think it's because of the people. Andami talagang tao eh. Nagsisiksikan sa maliit na mundo. Hinahanap ang kanya-kanyang lugar. Ayan tuloy, nag-aagawan ng pwesto.

Facebook's kind of boring lately. I want to delete my account, kaso masyado akong chismosa to do that. Pano na yung mga sinostalk ko?

LIFE IS SO UNFAIR.

I have been alive for almost 20 years but I still have not learned that lesson well. I know I have been blessed with a good life, good people surround me, but I still feel inadequate and incomplete. Haha. This is funny kasi eto usually ang dilemma pag hindi ka okay sa faith mo diba? Hello Bianca. More than 12 years ka sa isang Christian school. Lumaki ka sa church kung saan sinasabi na sapat na si God para sa lahat-lahat ng kelangan mo. Lumaki ka with Christian friends and family. Grade 3 ka pa lang, part ka na ng isang Bible study group. More than 4 disciplers na ang nagtiyaga sayo. Tatlong taon ka na naglilead ng small groups. Bawat training at seminar ay sinalihan mo na. Dapat ay okay na ang estado mo! Bakit ganiyan ka pa din?

I feel stuck, walang progress sa kahit ano. At hindi lang sa aspetong ito.

I'm insecure with my friends. Sometimes I don't think that I mean something to them in the same way that they mean something to me. Ako kasi, I treasure people, especially friends, with great value. I don't just throw them out. Feeling ko, ako yung isa sa mga hindi memorable, yung pwede lang iwanan basta-basta at sabihing, "yeah, friend ko siya before". Ayoko ng ganun.

Tapos this thing pa about liking and unliking people. Moving on blah blah blah. How do you move on from something that never existed? Well maybe it just existed in my head.. or in my heart. WHATEVER. I mean, obviously, no one likes me in that way now (or forever). And just to be honest, I seriously think I'm going to be single for a very long time. Or probably I'll meet someone when I'm 40 or 50, when I'm too old to have kids. I don't understand why. Because of this, I feel more insecure.

And why am I so hard headed? Why do I keep on imagining scenarios that will never happen?

I don't feel that important to anyone except my parents.

I don't know what is up with me. People tell me I look happy, okay daw yung aura ko, blah blah blah but honestly, nothing's fine. I guess natural lang sa akin na ngumiti-ngiti, umarteng kinikilig all the time, tumawa ng malakas ng wala namang reason, magmukhang carefree at walang burden. Automatic kasi akong nagsiswitch sa ganung mode once I go out of the house and interact with people. My happy place is when I'm with the people I love, so I don't feel these messy emotions when I'm with them. But my thesis is a mess. My heart is a mess. My schedule is a mess. My priorities are a mess. Everything is messy.

I'm not lost. I'm not confused either. I'm just disturbed with myself. I'm disappointed. I have a lot of questions that probably nobody except God has the answers.

This post is proof of how frustrated I am tonight. What is it with this night? Nakakainis lang basta. Gusto ko umiyak pero wala naman akong i-iiyak. I don't know how to explain myself.

I guess I better sleep this off before things become worse.

Damon Salvatore: distraction for now.

Smexy.

This is what I get for watching too many TV series.

Teddy Altman and Owen Hunt. Marti and Dan. Sino pa. Sali na rin natin si Damon and Elena? Dali. Bring it on. Sampal it to my face (WHUT). Siguro a month ago, it would really really affect me. Pero ngayon, hindi na. Hindi na ako magpapaapekto. I'm a working progress.

Walking it off. Shrugging it off. Laughing it off.

Ang galing, it works! LOL

Wise words from Meredith Grey:

"When we say things like "people don't change" it drives scientists crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again."

May chenz!

HAHAHAHAHA ANO BAAA

Mali nga ako. Tugsh. Boink. Tugudug!

This drama phase is OA as in!!!

Haha. I could not ask for more. Gravity! =))

It doesn't matter.

white lie
    n : an unimportant lie (especially one told to be tactful or
        polite)

***

Sometimes it's just better to shut up, ano? Grabe. NAKAKAINIS. Alam mo yung feeling sure kang inosente ka pero parang something's telling you na may mali ka na namang nagawa? I swear, no white lies this time. What I said was totally honest, whether they believe it or not. Obvious na nga na hindi ako comfortable sa situation, may ganun pang effects. HOHO. I don't like this. I hate situations like this.

And I thought they trusted me that much. Sana mali ako. :/

Nagpaparamdam lang.

I think I'm back. Haha. But I'm too lazy to go online... I won't even finish this post.

Later ;)

Tadhana (Up Dharma Down) - last na

Sa hindi inaaasahang
Pagtatagpo ng mga mundo
May minsan lang na nagdugtong,
Damang dama na ang ugong nito
'Di pa ba sapat ang sakit at lahat
Na hinding hindi ko ipararanas sayo
Ibinubunyag ka ng iyong mata
Sumisigaw ng pag-sinta

Ba't di pa patulan
Ang pagsuyong nagkulang
Tayong umaasang
Hilaga't kanluran
Ikaw ang hantungan
At bilang kanlungan mo
Ako ang sasagip saýo

Saan nga ba patungo,
Nakayapak at nahihiwagaan
Ang bagyo ng tadhana ay
Dinadala ako sa init ng bisig mo
Ba't 'di pa sabihin
Ang hindi mo maamin
Ipa-uubaya na lang ba 'to sa hangin
huwag mong ikatakot
Ang bulong ng damdamin mo
Naririto ako at nakikinig saýo

Malapit na ang deadline!

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you.” Hook (1991). Tinker Bell to Peter Pan

***

I got that one from Tumblr.

Wala lang. I've just had quick change of heart. Well, not entirely changed though. I guess it's time to stop before this entire mess eats me up. Besides, there's more to life than just this. Goodbye for now, heartache. Haha.

Hello, new semester! You are going to be my last semester, so you better be epic and great and memorable, okay?

Note to self: Perspective, Biancs. All about perspective. Refocus. Make use of emotions. Plan. Compose yourself. Don't come out raw, but don't come out too composed either. Sakto lang.

And about wearing your heart on your sleeve, well, just keep it there. But make sure that it's secured, nakatali ng maayos. Hindi nakabuhol yung tali, tamang ribbon lang para kayang tanggalin anytime.;)

If given the opportunity...

...I would like to meet my kid self. They said I was pretty entertaining, talkative, asked a lot of questions, and kissed a lot of little boys (HAHA). In that way, I could videotape it, and watch it whenever I feel down or insane.

...I would make him feel how much I care. It doesn't matter how much I have fallen for him, even if my emotions are so out of place, because all that matters is that he knows that I care that much, and that I don't plan on leaving him alone anytime soon. I'm that clingy, and I care that much.

...I would bake more cookies and cakes and pies and other edible stuff so that our house would be a much sweeter home. Heehee.

...I'd change my creative shot. Haha. Late ko na narealize kung anong gusto ko. Well, late ko naman talaga palagi narirealize kung anong gusto ko. HAHAHA

...I'd jog more here at UPLB grounds or up to UPCO/Mt. Makiling. The fresh air helps clear my mind.:) Besides, I like the feeling of outrunning myself. Yung numbness of the legs. Yung di ka na makatakbo ng ayos sa sobrang pagod mo.

...I would like to study abroad. My mom tells me I'm fit for it. I'm like a chameleon, I blend in easily. Di ako maarte sa living conditions, sa food, whatever. Magastos lang talaga ako. And wala akong disiplina sa sarili kong oras (would talk more about this next time).

...I would organize a costume party. I was watching Hellcats kanina, and they we're having a theme party. Tapos it seemed as if they we're having so much fun, from the pre-party preparations, to the party proper. Sayang, KJ kasi mga Pinoy. Understanding nila sa costume party, playboy bunny fest or who has the best surfing/beach attire party.

...I'd like to direct a music video. Actually, lots of music videos. Music is my ultimate high, and I feel the same with videography (but I'm not great or anything..yet). Or I could produce a travel/cooking demo show. HAHA. It sounds so much like my 124 days. Alam mo yun, travel to different places, discover authentic ingredients and whip up delish recipes. Mmmm.

...I would want to go to Europe on a "food/backpacker-trip". Alam mo yun? No plans, discovering each town, each city through food. Haha. Tataba talaga ako nito. Pero ang saya siguro gawin nun? The wines, pastries, pasta, haaaaaay... a girl can dream!

...I'd work for Unicef. Or some NGO's media department. So much for career plans. I'm graduating and I'm claiming it!!!:)

...I'd think twice and give him the opportunity. LOL

;)

Reality TV.

Oh my. Grey's Anatomy is da bomb. You know the unspoken things? The things you find it so difficult to say out loud? My situation? Well, I'm watching it right now. Ang funny. Yung scenario na gustong-gusto kong mangyari, nangyari sa isang character, Dr. Teddy Altman. The things that I've been replaying in my mind, the things that I wanted to say to him, sinabi niya lahat kay Dr. Owen Hunt. Gawsh. This is too amazing. It's as if I the scriptwriter knew what I wanted to hear/see.

Kung pwede lang sana mangyari yung ganun scenario sa totoong buhay.:|

Can't sleep. How about you?

Me wanna cry tonight but I think I used too much Johnson's Baby Shampoo. My eyes are super dry. (WHUT??)

Wait, this isn't Twitter. Microblogging. CommRes101. Halaaa. Ano baaa. Baa. Baa.

I shall sleep this off. Tomorrow's Later's a brand new day! Yay! Yahooweeeee.

Tumatakbo ang oras naiiwan na ako ng panahon

Instant midnight fcuk upper. Wow.

Oh, hi mood swing! You didn't say you we're going to drop by tonight. You're rude.

Less compromise, more love.

"The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone."

(Excerpt from a speech written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988 ) to the graduating class of NTU this 2008.)

Unavoidable long and lonely bus rides.

It takes at least 2 hours and 20 minutes to get from Cubao to our house in Los Banos, and vice-versa. Two hours and twenty minutes of sitting in the bus with nothing to do but think and think and think. And I hate it when that happens, because I tend to think of the things concerning the heart department (a.k.a. MY WEAKNESS). Makes me very emotional every time. I never learn. Pfft.

I don't know if manhid lang ako or sadyang mahina lang ang senses ko. I really am not aware if a certain someone likes me. Malalaman ko na lang a year after, when people can joke around it na. Hindi kasi ako sanay. Sanay ako maging bridge (thus, the many close guy friends), or maging bestfriend nung crush ng bayan (hello, sort-of wallflower!). Hindi ako yung popular type. Hindi rin naman ako nagtatago. Andyan lang ako sa tabi-tabi, nanonood. So hindi ko talaga alam yung feeling ng nilalike. Feeling ko, every time na may magsasabi sa akin na like niya ako or something like that, phase lang yun. Temporary. Magsasawa rin agad. Ganun naman kasi lagi nangyayari. Pardon my sort-of self-pity now, pero ganun talaga eh. People give up on me without even trying to break down my walls.

Ganun ba talaga kahirap? Wala pa kasing nagtatry eh. Is it an issue that I should be concerned with? Wait, I already am concerned.

You see, I still like this certain someone who used to like me. As in todo like na hindi ko maexplain kung bakit hanggang ngayon ay like ko pa rin siya (NILULUMOT NA AKO DITO. KADIRI.). Naiirita na nga ako sa sarili ko minsan eh. I know, it's a waste of emotions blah blah blah. BELIEVE ME. I have tried to convince myself a million times already, but I can't seem to have a change of heart... yet. Kanina, while I was sitting on the bus, I had this craziest idea. Do you know the song of Between The Trees entitled "We Can Try?" HAHAHA. But of course it was X-ed kaagad on my mind, because that won't happen. Ever. Haha. Pero sobrang nakakatawa siguro kung nangyari yun. Parang movie lang diba? UGH.

Wala. Nakalimutan ko na kung bakit ko siya kinwento. Irrele na.:|

BV na ulet. Boo.

Drama.

Today, I have almost enrolled the last 12 units required for my UP undergraduate life. Yes, I'm not yet sure about my future plans, kaya undergrad life muna. Masaya ang graduating privileges (hindi kelangan makipagsiksikan sa pila masyado, less hassle, get all the subjects that you need sa first batch run, etc), at ganito pala ang feeling ng graduating? Masaya pero malungkot din. Hindi ko alam kung gusto ko na ba talaga magtapos, kung sawa na ba ako sa UP, kung ready na ba ako mag-venture on my own, at kung ready na ba akong iwan ulit yung naging "home" ko for the past four years? Nagdradrama na ako, pero sigurado naman na pahihirapan muna ako ng UP bago ako mapapakawalan sa real world. After all the pahirap, hello real world! I'm ready for you--NOT.

Kung anu-ano na sinasabi ko, eh hindi pa nga nagmamaterialize thesis ko diba? Haha.

Smooth na sana lahat, kaso biglang nag-error yung ATM ko. FAIL. So syempre hindi ako nakapagbayad. Buti na lang I have trusty friends like Dodz who's going to pay for me tomorrow so I won't have to go back to UP. Uwian lang kasi ako. Feeling ko nga medyo na-piss off sila mama kasi late na ako nakarating sa bahay. Medyo cold treatment eh. Unexpected cold treatment. Oh, dear life. Kasi naman, nagkwentuhan pa kami ni Gen sa may Sunken. Haha. Clingwrap time.

Okay. I don't know why I'm blabbing again about my day. As if you care right? Nakakainis. "You" have triggered the BV switch. And now it's too late to switch it off.

Okay.

I gave out a lot of fake smiles today. I wasn't really happy. It wasn't okay with me. Pero wala naman akong magagawa diba? I mean, it's just me your disappointing, nobody else. HOHO. I hate it when your expectations don't happen.

TOINK.

Bianca kasi, expect ng expect. May nalalaman pang "lowering of expectations". TSK. Eh kung wag ka na lang kaya mag-expect forever? Bahala ka. Ikaw naman ang naapektuhan eh.

At ikaw! OO IKAW (Okaay, hindi talaga ikaw but I can't really tell this person that this message is directed to him because it would really be uncalled for, lalo na't that person is really clueless--I think--about these things, so please bear with me. THANK YOU MWAH)! Napakainsensitive mo. Grabe. Ikaw kaya ganiyanin ko? Sabagay, hindi mo rin naman mapapansin kung gagawin ko yun sayo. At napakaMANHID mo. AY NAKO. MAJOR MANHID ALERT, COMING RIGHT UP. I hate you. You make me feel so irrelevant. I hate you. I hate you. (AS IF I COULD REALLY HATE YOU RIGHT?)

I'm not saying I want you to myself (however, some "us-time" would really be appreciated), ang gusto ko lang naman ay bumalik yung dating kong kaibigan. Kasi masaya ako pag kasama ko yun eh. Yes. Kahit hindi ganun kahalata, masaya ako nung mga panahong yun. I'd rather sit and listen to all your rants than not spend any time with you at all.

So I'm sending this message off to cyberspace, together with my tiniest hope that it will get to you. At sana pag nabasa, marealize mo na ikaw, yes you ALIEN FRIEND(!), ang pinapatunguhan nito. Pero wag mo ako aawayin ha?:)) I care, you care, we all care! (WEH)

I don't really understand why I'm this clingy to you. Oh wait, I'm like this to almost all of my closest and dearly loved friends. Nagkataon lang na ikaw yung pasaway na pumapalag ng pumapalag. Ang layo mo na, wag ka nang lumayo pa. Okay?:3

***

I just moved back into my room. Mga three months rin siguro akong di natulog dun because my two lolas occupied it. I missed my bed. I missed my dresser. I missed my books. I missed my dusty stuffed friends (HAHA sounds so harsh!). I mentioned kanina na I was rummaging through my memorabilia box kasi naglilinis ako ng kwarto. Eh pag naglilinis ako ng room, talagang binabalik-balikan at binabasa-basa ko pa yung mga kung anu-anong nakikita ko.:)) Will post some pictures of them here as soon as I've uploaded the pictures.

Dusty hands. Itchy nose. Allergies. NAKO. I've conquered them all! Haha. And tonight I shall sleep in a clean room, with a clear mind lalo na't naibuhos ko na sa'yo Blogger ang mga bumabother sakin for tonight! Haha. Sorry!

Okay. Posting this one now. Off you go, shoo!

Day 2: Nine things about yourself.

1. I am addicted to The Sims. I can play that game for eight hours straight (no eating, no drinking).

2. I talk to myself a lot, lalo na in front of the mirror.

3. I hate texting, but I'd gladly ignore that fact for the ones that I love.

4. I was named after Bianca Jagger, fierce supermodel and ex-wife of rockstar Mick Jagger.

5. I'm an explainer and an encourager.

6. I eat Ferrero Rocher by layer: chunky chocolate and hazelnut cover, then wafer, then creamy chocolate, then hazelnut!

7. I have hard time moving on from situations (not just in the love department, okaaay?).

8. I'm always excited to try out new things, especially new food!

*Scuba Diving! Next on my list!:)

9. I fear the dark, the unknown and the uncontrollable.

*Me and my twisted self hair.